How Texans drive in an ice storm

Recent inclement weather brought up the discussion of Texans driving in ice storms. A while back, I addressed the one day of winter here, and that day is coming soon, so y’all pay attention. This is about your survival.

Folks, Texans cannot drive when an ice storm hits. You have been warned.

After that, I shouldn’t need to say more, but I’m from Texas and we love to get long-winded.

It’s January. February is coming. We are about to enter the prime time for that one day of frozen hell that takes all the salt and vinegar out of a Texan’s courage and makes us drive like a discount retailer had a sale on drivers’ licenses. I hate to admit this about my Texas kith and kin, but hey. It’s true. We do not get a lot of wintery days that require snow tires or tire chains or any of that Yankee paraphernalia. Add to that the miles and miles and miles…and MILES of Texas and you have a real recipe for disaster. When that first bit of sleet starts coming down, we freak out like a high school girl over a zit on prom night.

Heather Graham, our news editor at the Sentinel, asked, “Why is it that Texans either drive 30 mph or 90 mph at the slightest sign of ice?”

Ummm…well, I don’t know. Sheer terror? Panic? Nothing better to do?

For those who try to break the sound barrier on our Texas highways, I’m guessing they’re trying to outrun the stuff. For as many tornadoes as we have here, you’d think we’d learn that weather just can’t be outrun.

For the Texans who do about 30 mph when the ice starts coming down, I’m guessing they’re thinking that slower is better, and in this case it might be, but only if everyone on the road agrees. Otherwise, it’s a recipe for disaster. Speed kills. It’s just a question of what speed? Too fast? Too slow? Again, I don’t know.

My advice to you is this: when the ice starts forming on bridges and overpasses, go home. Stay there. Lock down your house and don’t go back out until around June.

I found these driving tips from the American Automobile Association, Texas. My enlightened commentary is in parentheses:

--Avoid driving during the storm if possible. If you must drive, be sure you are alert and able to focus closely on the road. (This reiterates what I just said: don’t leave home. Period.)

--Use your seat belt every time you get in the car. (Now, I thought this was state law, but apparently to some folks, it’s a mere suggestion.)

--Never warm up a vehicle in an enclosed area, such as a garage. (This is one of those to file under “Well, duh!” Carbon monoxide poisoning is serious, so pay attention to this one.)

--Make certain your tires are properly inflated. (I keep a tire pressure gauge in my car anyway.)

--Never mix radial tires with other tire types. (Didn’t know this one. Much wiser now.)

--Keep your gas tank at least half full to avoid gas line freeze up. (Hey, I didn’t know this was possible. Now I’m completely freaked out.)

--If possible, avoid using your parking brake in cold, rainy and snowy weather. (Do I want to know why?)

To minimize the dangers associated with wet winter driving, both the vehicle and the driver must be prepared in advance. The following items carried in your vehicle will be invaluable should an emergency develop:

--Small bag of abrasive material such as sand, salt or kitty litter (And you might want to use the kitty litter in the driver’s seat. I’m just sayin’’…)

--Small snow shovel (You might want a regular shovel too. With precipitation comes mud.)

--Flashlight

--Ice scraper

--Cloth or roll of paper towels

--Booster cables (We call ‘em jumper cables.)

--Blanket

--Warning devices such as flares or triangles (Not a double-barrel shotgun, effective as it may be.)

The advice AAA gave also included this: don’t panic and keep your composure during inclement weather, which made me chuckle. Hey all y’all 23,507,783 terrified Texans. Y’all don’t panic. It’s just an ice storm, not Armageddon.